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03/30/2006: Look Back in Nausea


I had a meeting yesterday. A certain building on a certain lot at a certain time. I realized, as I drove through the lot, that I was approaching a building with some very bad memories in it. I kept approaching, thinking maybe my meeting would turn out to be in the building just in front of, or just beyond, the Building of Bad Memories. It wasn't.

I walked into the building and started up the stairs toward our old writers' room. I remembered how my heart used to sink as I climbed these very stairs. Sometimes I would even stop halfway up the stairs, bracing myself to continue. I worked here for a whole season a long time ago, when I was a young comedy writer on an ill-fated sitcom. It was a terrible, terrible job. It's hard to hold onto your sense of your worth as a writer when you are told, every day, that it's possible you're mistaken about that very thing.

The writers' room is a disused conference room now, the space near the walls stacked with boxes of printer paper. But there was still a table (the same table?). I sat down and thought about how far I've come. I actively treasured the sensation of sitting in that room without feeling sick and scared.

I remember wondering, that year, if it would ever get any better. I couldn't know for sure that it would. But I never seriously thought about quitting the job or quitting the business. I really do heart TV and I just sensed that someday it would heart me back.

But if that job had been my FIRST job, I wouldn't've made it. The first writers room in which I participated (other than Trek, at which I was just pitching), was at Dinosaurs, while I was still in the Disney Fellowship. Bob Young ran that room. He was relaxed, encouraging, hilarious and efficient. There was no sense of panic or blame. He trusted and respected his writers. Perhaps it helped that the show had already been cancelled and we were simply writing and shooting the last few episodes, but I don't think that was it. I just think some show runners are better than others at creating an environment where writers do their best work.

If you get hired on a show, and discover you're in Hell, take heart. There are other shows. They're better. And, as much as possible, try to fill your free time with activities that remind you of how good you are. Join a writers' group where others will read and praise you. Surround yourself with friends. (I sometimes think my friends Kim and Michelle pulled me through that year with the sheer strength of their personalities. Thanks, guys.) And write a sparkling new spec that'll help get you that better job next season.

All right, this has been a long break from the nuts-and-bolts of spec writing. Next post will be all about what to do when your outline leads you astray. Real practical stuff.

Lunch: Assorted sushi. A spicy tuna hand roll was particularly wonderful.